Cybersex is it cheating?

[Illithid]

It's so cerebral, as has been mentioned, you're sharing an intimate part of yourself either through rp or cyber (if you distinguish). It is your fantasy and I think that can be as personal as the skeletons in your closet. If my partner would prefer to share those desires with someone else rather then me, yeah, that's pretty much cheating. If I can join in or they relay it too me later to share the fantasy then that is fine. Otherwise...

[PhamTrinli]

Originally Posted by zpullin

What if you want your girlfriend to watch, but she doesnt feel comfortable for you to do it in front of her?

then either

1. you don't think it is wrong/don't believe it is cheating
2. don't care what your girlfriend thinks or feels and probably shouldn't be in a relationship with her, or -
3. she's ok with you doing it while she's not watching ?

[adrala]

Originally Posted by Traceur

i was going to answer a retort to adrala but as i was reading this my best friend (lesbian) agreed with adrala (seemingly on the role of all other women) going on "bedroom kitchen shower dinner table sofa back of the car office desk on the copy machine in an airliner's toilet" and continued on a list while snacking on the sushi i made (in the kitchen)...

On the copy machine eh?
But should it be turned on?
Anyways sounds as a good plan Linn? Where are you? Lets find us a copy machine!

[Travie]

Pretty sure the OP just wanted to see if anyone was up for some cyborz and didn't expect a debate

[sCouraGe]

Originally Posted by Travie

Pretty sure the OP just wanted to see if anyone was up for some cyborz and didn't expect a debate

Prolly, maybe you should get the party started.

Cyber ITT, gogogo.

[Lord Uthar]

Originally Posted by Travie

Pretty sure the OP just wanted to see if anyone was up for some cyborz and didn't expect a debate

I have to finish with this beauty first, she just cant seem to get enough of it.

[Travie]

Mmmmm, something about that woman makes me want to force her to have my children.

/shrug

[DocDude]

"Cheating" is doing something the other person does not approve. Your girlfriend probably wont approve you having sex with another girl, and if you do that, its called cheating.

If your girlfriend doesn't want you to cybersex and you do it, its cheating too.

So it depends.

[Alyzar]

If watching porn is cheating, then engaging in ERP is cheating also.

[Akharus]

You know, it's the thought that counts. Cheating in your thoughts is still cheating.

[Lord Uthar]

Originally Posted by Akharus

You know, it's the thought that counts. Cheating in your thoughts is still cheating.

Maybe it is, but who here really follows that commendment in that way.

I believe most people have unfaithful nasty thoughts about the things they would do to a certain person be it a movie star, fashion model or just a good looking someone passing in the street but unless you act upon it i hardly think its cheating. the difference with cybersex is, you are acting through your trusted character.
Its he who is doing whatever hes doing, not me.
This reminds me of those hand puppets who always do what they want, say what they want. after all they are independent beings... just like your toon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQMTGCxHxWo

[Keltic]

Originally Posted by Eonwe

If you are emotionally involved with the person I guess it'd be cheating, but forcing a demon to sleep with you as a part of a dialog choice in a game because you are roleplaying a sick corrupted mage isn't really cheating.

I guess the whole thing it hinges on would be an emotional connection. I mean if you are on an MMO cybering with someone every day and you have actual feelings it would be actual cheating. If you did it as a part of a story and the person behind the other character had no meaning or emotional attachment with you then it wouldn't really matter.

I'm not really an RPer so I don't have this problem, but just my two cents.

How the hell did you answer that with any degree of seriousness?

This thread would suck if it wasn't in the context of erotic MO role playing.

[Heskey]

The real question is:

If you've got a partner, why are you cyb0rbonking? Unless you're one of these people whose "girlfriend" lives half-way around the world, you've never met, but you're saving up enough money to go and see them for a week next summer?

I hate getting into conversations about that with other gamers on like TeamSpeak etc, talking about your partner, what they do etc only to find out their 'partner' is someone they've never fecking met! Grow up!

[Lord Uthar]

Originally Posted by Heskey

The real question is:

If you've got a partner, why are you cyb0rbonking? Unless you're one of these people whose "girlfriend" lives half-way around the world, you've never met, but you're saving up enough money to go and see them for a week next summer?

I hate getting into conversations about that with other gamers on like TeamSpeak etc, talking about your partner, what they do etc only to find out their 'partner' is someone they've never fecking met! Grow up!

If someone has a partner it really easy to understand why they cyber.
Do you watch porn, do you enjoy seeing other women, do you fantasy about other women.
Do you live together and if not is it possible to you to see her on a daily base.

Maybe your partner is not pretty and you like to dream about being with a model like toon.
Maybe you are just up for the variety.

Or maybe just maybe you are a very devoted roleplayer....

[Heskey]

Originally Posted by Lord Uthar

If someone has a partner it really easy to understand why they cyber.

It really isn't. And don't get me wrong I'm not against the concept, and I don't think it's 'cheating' - I just don't get why anyone in a relationship would have to? I don't?

Originally Posted by Lord Uthar

Do you watch porn, do you enjoy seeing other women, do you fantasy about other women.

Porn is perfectly anonymous in terms of you won't see them walking down the street so let's put that point on the backbench.

As for the others; sure, who doesn't? But you don't get their number and start flirting with them, do you?

Originally Posted by Lord Uthar

Do you live together and if not is it possible to you to see her on a daily base.

If you're refering to sexual satisfaction; do what I do when my partner isn't around:

HAVE A MASSIVE WANK

Originally Posted by Lord Uthar

Maybe your partner is not pretty and you like to dream about being with a model like toon.

Not that I'm saying people should only go out with pretty people; but I'd wager that the unpretty person is the person cybering; if you ain't happy with your partner, why are you with them? Unless you have a mutual agreement that you can have sex with attractive people, but love their mind - I imagine this accounts for less than 1% of gamers who actually HAVE a partner =P

Originally Posted by Lord Uthar

Maybe you are just up for the variety.

Or very confused as to why your partner doesn't have a pee-pee like you do, and that scares you.

Lol

Originally Posted by Lord Uthar

Or maybe just maybe you are a very devoted roleplayer....

Or just taking a hobby a little too far

[Kiev]

Cybering, as in typing out sex stuff is kinda sad and makes me laugh, how do people cum by just watching text? bizarre

[Soviet]

Originally Posted by adrala

Cyber what?
The girl´s place is in the kitchen or in the bedroom. Not in front of the PC.
Any girl that does not obey this simple rule will go to hell!

Unless your protestant. Then you get to heaven no matter what, feels good to be me

[Heskey]

Originally Posted by Kiev

Cybering, as in typing out sex stuff is kinda sad and makes me laugh, how do people cum by just watching text? bizarre

Kiev whilst the concept of doing it 'live' is bizarre, the concept in general isn't that hard to grasp really.

Why do you think sexually graphic novels sell so well? That's just text, but sends people's imaginations soaring.

[Traceur]

1) long term relationships are not ones where "you never met before" (those are plain cyber relationships), they are what happens when your partner is not some empty vase that will romantically follow you around wherever you move to, but rather is someone with inner character that has more to fulfill in life then simply being with you, because guess what: ways split, often geographically.

2) cybering can include text but it can also include voice or video - and all cases have an added element that can be brought down to a simpler question: do you care if your partner enjoys sex with you? for some people it might be just because they love there partners, but for others it is just as important in a one night stand. its a combination of empathic pleasure and positive feedback, and if you get satisfaction from causing pleasure then you will get that satisfaction from simply knowing that there is someone else enjoying it on the other end of the "erotic story" (text) or "porn movie" (webcam). if this is a solution for a long term relationship then the person on the other end probably is your partner.

[Heskey]

Traceur they're not talking phone sex here with someone they know; they're talking cybersex, with strangers; who are probably other guys.

[Keldain]

I assume this "cybering" is taking place with RL players.

If this is the case, yes it is cheating on your RL partner.

If you are cybering an NPC, it is a video game involving cyber, which is no dif than an interactive video. Its rather like self-pleasure.

It comes down to the personal nature of people, vs. the impersonal nature of entertainment.

Saddly, I just said its ok to sex up a game engine, but not a person using the game engine. Ethics get so confused with technological advancements

[Nehemia]

Ain't it relatively close to the stage of having phone sex with someone?
(You can cyber through VOIP, I believe).

You can't really consider it "cheating" but its plain F***** up. So I voted "yes".
If you're dating someone, save your text / speech for her, not to some random female/male on the other side of the globe.

[Risenlord]

It's only cheating if your wife catches you. Typos totally kill the mood to.

[Prokkoli]

Asking if cyber sex in a game is cheating sounds like asking if I should be called a murderer when I kill someone in a video game. I would not call them cheaters, but I would think something/someone in the relationship must be f'uck'd up.

I'd say cybering with persons outside games (voice chat or real pics/video) may be cheating but why would someone in RL relationship even want to cyber?

I have never understood the point of cyber sex anyway. Maybe I enjoy the real life too much...

[Hannu Kokkonen]

" Cheating in your thoughts is cheating. "
true fact

[Stannn51]

Originally Posted by Prokkoli

I have never understood the point of cyber sex anyway. Maybe I enjoy the real life too much...

+1


I think we cannot say "Yes it is cheating" or "No it isn't", everything depends on your intentions and feelings.

If you cannot answer yourself to the question "am I emotionaly cheating or not", just ask your girlfriend/boyfriend what she/he thinks about it

I personnaly prefer cyberbeerdrinking on mumble with cyberdrunkard pals

[Gadzy]

No different from a real life affair.

[Cye]

What is or isn't cheating is entirely decided by the parties involved.

If your girlfriend gets completely hammered and some guy kisses her, did she cheat on you? That answer is entirely of your own discretion.

If I found out my girlfriend was cybering with someone else, I would laugh. Others would cry...

[Valkyrie]

I would throw in my chips under the opinion of it being entirely subjective and situational. Cyber can be done in jest, it can be done with varying degrees of want and it can be done to the point where you are emotionally involved with the character/player. My personal viewpoint would be that when you start getting more than simple contentment/pleasure from the experience/character/player, it is cheating.

[Opalitic]

Why are you thearycrafting such subject? Everyone knows Roleplayers have no spouses. They are doomed to walk this earth all alone because of their repulsive and unhealthy habit known as roleplaying.

[Anticules]

A ring on the finger don't mean there is a lock on the cock!

[Crazy_San]

Okay I'm gonna throw my two cents in here. I spent a long time RPing on WoW, and while this wasn't my first experience with ERP/Cybering (Habbo Hotel holds that honor) it is the first time that I Was exposed to the more ERP side of it where it is more for the sake of the story then for the cyber part of it. I didn't think of it as a serious relationships, although I did become friends with many of those girls outside of the game and still keep in contact with some. But now that I have a girlfriend things are different. If she was okay with it then I wouldn't consider it cheating, however she is uncomfortable just knowing that I've done that in the past, especially since I still talk with a few of those girls. So really it comes down to your personal relationship. If it's something that your significant other does not want you doing then it does become cheating. The reverse is also true, sleeping with someone else in real life is not cheating if your significant other is okay with it....for some people that is a turn on.

So really it comes down to each individual case, but if you are in a relationship I think that ERP is only okay if you have talked about it with your boyfriend/girlfriend and they are okay with it.

[war40k]

So you wanna eRP do ya?
It ain't realistic enough, you say?

Second Life.

Originally Posted by Anticules

A ring on the finger don't mean there is a lock on the cock!

+1.

[AdrianCC]

I don't think it would be cheating.

I don't do it though, because 90% of the time, the person you are doing it with is the same sex as you are in real life. At least for guys..... You know there are more men playing female characters then there are ladies playing female characters.

[Kechopinatus]

Is fapping to porn also cheating then ?
I mean i´d love to bang me some pornstars if you knowwhamsayin.
Never ever did RP sexing though that doesn´t get me off i´d rather play the game then chat about intercourse ...

[MetaControl]

Originally Posted by DocDude

"Cheating" is doing something the other person does not approve. Your girlfriend probably wont approve you having sex with another girl, and if you do that, its called cheating.

If your girlfriend doesn't want you to cybersex and you do it, its cheating too.

So it depends.

quoted for truth


This basically applies to everything around this topic. If she does not mind you having random sex on station toilets with strange men and george michael, then you are not cheating, if you do that. If she does not approve of you having even a glance at a poster-babe, then you'd cheat her, if you did - what kind of a woman you date (that included her preferences in this area) is up to you.

[Meos]

Originally Posted by adrala

Linn? Where are you? Lets find us a copy machine!

Thanks for the tip. ~__^
Ill promise i will send you a picture of my precious parts in close up once done.

But yes, personally i agree with what Illithid stated... even though im still unsure about herms gender...

[Illithid]

Originally Posted by Meos

But yes, personally i agree with what Illithid stated... even though im still unsure about herms gender...

Would it make a difference? Your a goof... yes I called you a goof :P

But to expand mah post. Some people consider RP to just be the writing of story and so it means nothing... I say if your not writing to make money your getting something out of it. If your so dispassionate about the content, you are a writing practitioner and your pleasure is technical. In this case try branching away from the cliche sexual relationship to add intrigue to your stories, you might find you become a stronger writer for it.

[Traceur]

Originally Posted by psm

quoted for truth


This basically applies to everything around this topic. If she does not mind you having random sex on station toilets with strange men and george michael, then you are not cheating, if you do that. If she does not approve of you having even a glance at a poster-babe, then you'd cheat her, if you did - what kind of a woman you date (that included her preferences in this area) is up to you.

it is interesting though.

i hated when an girlfriend left used tea bags all over the place, she knew i didn't approve of it and yet somehow i don't consider it cheating, she hated the fact i shower with 'boiling hot water' and don't change it back to 'normal' when i'm done, she disapproved of my actions, and yet that wasn't cheating.

breaking the mental rules we set for each other isn't in itself cheating, breaking the sexual ones are. so even for those (including me) who disagree that sex has to mean cheating unless it is in that specific relationship, we still limit it to the realm of cheating for what is sexual.

on the other hand i know couples who think that any interaction between one of them and the opposite sex is cheating, regardless if there's anything sexual about it. i know someone who had to choose between quiting his job and loosing his girlfriend because his boss was a women his girlfriend thought was a threat.

[MetaControl]

Originally Posted by Traceur

i hated when an girlfriend left used tea bags all over the place, she knew i didn't approve of it and yet somehow i don't consider it cheating, she hated the fact i shower with 'boiling hot water' and don't change it back to 'normal' when i'm done, she disapproved of my actions, and yet that wasn't cheating.

because you both made the choice of how to treat the misconduct... If you would tell your girlfriend, that under no condition, she is allowed to leave a tea bag somewhere, or the partnership is over, then she might not have done it, or would have chosen to leave, before she ends up in something weird...
Rules are made by a consensus in a partnership (ideally) and so the boundaries are defined. In the case of the OP, that would mean, that he needs to find out what his GF thinks and not the MO-Community. If she approves, then it's fine. If not, it might just as well depend on the consequences. If the only consequence would be, that she shouts for a minute and later everything is fine, so be it.
Although I don't think that would be her answer


As you said yourself, we are the ones who set the rules. And if the crime is called cheating, it is called like that. But what the crime, is defined as the actual rule.

If she see no sexual act as cheating, then there is no rule to be broken. If she sees the sharing of intimate fantasies with a complete stranger as an break of emotional connections, then she may call that cheating.

The thing is, that it has less to do with sex, then with a certain defined amount of trust and commitment. Humans connect for social reasons. This may or may not include sex, children, sharing of resources, helping, etc. etc. These things define what kind of a partnership with have with another domesticated primate. If sex is a part of it, it may or may not be a subject of the emotional - social bound.
I had mates, who did not care if I would "cheat" on them physically, but would mind, if I did emotionally. Sex is not the real key here, although in the case of the OP, a prime concern

We are the one who decide how open we are and what bounds we need.